Exclusive! Madonna's black... with another album

I am speechless with delight... well, almost!

La Cicada is collaborating on tracks for her new album (what, back in the studio already? Shouldn't she be spending time with the orphaned infant she abducted, helping him to make a smooth transition from a life of impoverished misery and settle into his new dysfunctional home? Don't bother phoning social services to express concern, gentle reader: I already have, and they're not interested... money can buy just about anything!)

So, as I was saying, Madonna has decided to work with... wait for it: Pharrell Williams, Snoop Dogg, not to mention Andre 3000 from Outkast. Obviously, she believes black is in this season.

This proves that she is finally running out of new ideas to steal, and is having to settle for old used ideas. From the opening beats of 'Hung Up' (time goes by so slowly, does it not?) it was clear she had been keeping a close eye on the meteoric rise of that other squealing blonde minx, Ms Gwen Stefani (surely you don't need me to point out the similarities, what with that 'tick-tock, tick-tock' reference in 'What you waiting for?') No doubt Madonna is hoping that the gay league won't notice that Ms G Stefani has beaten her to it, already collaborating with Mr P Williams and Mr A Three-thousand; given their infamous attention deficit, she's probably safe on that score.

However, it seems to have completely escaped La Cicada’s own notice that those collaborations produced tracks were average at best, and not a single single… not to mention that Ms G Stefani's latest release 'The Great Escape' was anything but great, although it certainly escaped the listening public's notice. And remember what happened last time La Cicada made an experimental album, that one with her appearing on the cover with a little black beret? (no coincidence, I assure you) She’s also forgotten that, it would seem… so allow me to be the first to spread a rumour about Alzheimers.

Oh yes, Madonna, I do believe it's going to be a black year indeed... bring it on!