Christian hatred 5 - the Christians in particular

It may shock some of my gentle readers, given my feelings on the subject of religion, to discover that one was raised as a Catholic. Or then again, it may not.

At an early age, discovering all the male priests were infinitely more attentive whenever in the process of losing or regaining faith in Mother Church, one maintained an enchantingly wavering attitude towards the faith, which in due course flowered into a particular dislike of all Christians.

You see, for some reason I have no respect whatsoever for the idea that it is quite alright for a woman to avoid pregnancy using mathematics, though she is forbidden to resort to physics and chemistry: nor do I respect the notion that a child born into this world is tainted with the stain of original sin, which must be cleansed away; hence that all human sexuality is an aberration from a divine master plan, so that sexual activity for the sake of procreation is normal and healthy, but inherently sinful.

Then you have the issue of AIDS decimating one of the poorest, most vulnerable populations in the world- a heterosexual population in Africa- and their adamant refusal to authorise the most effectively method by which transmission can be prevented; use of a condom; then you have corruption within the Vatican, all historically documented but conveniently glossed over by the Catholics: their profligate popes, their tacit support of Hitler, their granting of annulments to rich and wealthy royalty, their covering up of crimes including sexual abuse of children.

I have no respect for the Protestants either, whose chief contribution to human thought is its massive proof that God is a bore; there are several other flavours to choose from, but they’re all the same… except perhaps for the born-again Christians, and all I can say is that they’re an even bigger pain in the ass second time around.

What I find most reprehensible is how Christians avoid what they themselves consider to be the main issues, embracing all of their religion’s frills but holding themselves exempt from application of it’s fundamental tenets.

Whatever happened to ‘treat others as you would like them to treat you’?

What happened to ‘judge not that ye not be judged’?

Even by their own reasoning, there is something wrong with a man if he does not want to break the Ten Commandments. When it comes to the Ten Naughtiest Things, it conveniently escapes their blinkered notice that the list contains no mention whatsoever of sodomy… so why haven’t they started off their campaign to improve the world by throwing stones at the local adulterers or driving those who take their Lord’s name in vain from their midst? Do they honour their father and mother on a regular basis? Do they reign in consumerist excess at Christmas, mindful that it is wrong to covet a neighbour’s goods?

If they’d rather spend that time dealing with abominations mentioned in the small print, very well: so do other abominations not mentioned in the Top Ten, such as domestic violence and paedophilia, pose less of a threat to the moral fabric than consenting adults of the same sex who want to love each other?

How very fucking convenient that they’d rather vent their intolerant hatred at homosexuals before focusing upon any other group of deviant sinners; let’s sort out a vulnerable minority, before looking upon other abominations in society.

Christians… hypocrites, miserable cowards, playground bullies, all of them!

It seems even they recognise that their beliefs have a philosophical basis thinner than transparent paper: some fear that a child holding a Harry Potter book up on the opposite side will see right through the screen. What to do when children start asking questions? Encourage them to think for themselves, guiding them towards the conclusion you want them to reach? Oh, goodness no, that would be too risky… make them accept what you tell them unquestioningly, and burn or ban all of the dissenting books at once!

Harry Potter is more popular than Jesus Christ; is that what frightens them?

Or perhaps it’s all of those little boys and girls having fun, playing with wands… because we all know what that will lead to!

Really, gentle reader, isn’t all of the above evidence enough of their stupidity? What can possible cause it? All of their self-denial in the line of sex, perhaps… it really can’t be healthy.

And something else that disgusts me about Christians… how their worship involves little more than grovelling- hardly any joyous celebration- before a Supreme Being who, if he really exists, deserves to be denounced instead of respected: how much reverence can you have for someone who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and smegma in his divine system of creation?

But perhaps what pisses me off most of all is that Christians have no sense of humour; none whatsoever! It’s as if they suspect that someone has been playing a divine joke upon them, and so their only coping mechanism is that everything must be taken literally! They’re not funny, and they don’t know the meaning of the word fun: they don’t know how to laugh at others and they don’t know how to laugh at themselves. Haven’t you noticed how Ms Jane Austen, who skilfully managed to make even the pettiest, most frivolous people in society amusing, was unable to produce anything but a vile creature when it came to a parson?

So it pleases and delights me that the Christians are upset, gentle reader. Why, I have been celebrating all week… burning effigies, defacing shrines, disrespecting places of worship and blaspheming even more than usual. For you see, despite their holier than holiness, despite calling their horrid children after saints and educating them- by dubious means- to follow strict black and white rules about how to be good, the reality is that Christians show little tolerance and respect for their fellow man… and nothing riles me more.

They’d rather go to prison than abide by the new laws? Well, prison isn’t a place you’d expect those who have issues with same sex activities to prefer spending a little time, but how fervently one hopes more than their eyes are opened by the experience; oh yes, a little rough handling on the inside! Lock them all away, I cry… and don’t forget where to shove that key!

So they’ve been foolish enough to go head-to-head with the gay league in a public protest this week? How one chortled at the news! No doubt they’ll have been taking out their best hair shirt ironing their best flannel, only to be out-classed and out-styled by a full range of rainbow colour feather boas, sequins, and (one hopes) plenty of finely toned naked flesh: if there is any attention paid to the protesters, we all know who’ll be getting it!

So I say let them strum ‘What a friend we have in Jesus’, shaking their tambourines and clapping along… because we all know that the Devil has all the best tunes, not to mention the best moves.

Whenever there are smiles, whenever there is applause or joyous laughter from those watching inside or outside Westminster, we all know to which side it will be directed. All of the kind hearted and open-minded in the crowds, from little old ladies to the little children, will instinctively know which of the two groups they’d rather associate with in the future. And if there is a divine being who is loving and understanding and non-judgmental, we all know which side she’ll be rooting for as well.

Of course, the real reason for this protest is that Christians are afraid… of everyone and everything that might show them up for what they really are; angry, hateful, hate-filled people. They have every reason to be, since people are wise to their fraudulent C-CON, and every day more and more come back to their senses, going back to loving and respecting one another without reserve, discovering that one of the most lasting pleasures in life is the pleasure of not going to church, not judging others and not hating their fellow human beings.

To rub salt in their wounds, it has become the height of fashion to think, dress, and act like a homosexual. Why, as JoeMyGod pointed out, an elderly transvestite wearing a stunning jewel-encrusted gown infiltrated their ranks... That’s what really disturbs them.

Deep down, they worry about what is going to happen WHEN they’re in the minority… because what if homosexuals turn the tables on them for the next two thousand years?

They’re sickened by same sex couples enjoying the same freedoms at they have?

They’re unsettled to find society becoming more tolerant?

They find drag queens disturbing?

Bring back the lions, I say!

So there you have it, readers… I most certainly am not in favour of equality. Treat Christians with respect? You cannot be serious!

Let us all march to a new cry in 2007:

Light your faith and you can light the world – set fire to the church of your choice.

And no more of this ‘treat homosexuals as equals’ nonsense: we are often more wealthy, more famous, and more fabulous. Treating us the same is not only difficult, but can actually be construed as rudeness.