31 December 2006

Best and Worst of 2006...

Gentle readers, one does hope you purchased a copy of the Rent soundtrack upon my seasonal recommendation and have already paid careful attention to the lyrics of a song titled Seasons of Love? If not, you might already be familiar with a dance remix.

So, how does one evaluates a year just gone? How does one measure it?

In minutes? In inches? In sunsets or cups of coffee?

In sunshine? In postings?

In laughter?

In tears?

Neo-counter visits or calling cards, perhaps… 525,600… well, one can dream!

Of course, you realise that in the brief time you’ve known moi, I’ve been setting an outstanding example to be followed in the year to come.

What, hadn’t you realised?

Quite simply, this year you must take everything seriously... except yourself! One also encourages you to dispense with the need to measure everything… or think too much!

Embrace the moment, gentle reader!

Embrace the ridiculous!

Live, love, and be happy!

What’s another year?

As I cast a last wayward glance at what has happened me in the last twelve months- and in doing so brought pleasure or displeasure- here is what springs to my mind:

Best Moment of the year
One struggles to choose between first hearing that my best friend was pregnant, first seeing my best friend pregnant, first seeing my best friend heavily pregnant, or first receiving news that my best friend had given birth to a healthy, happy baby boy... click on the link!

Worst Moment of the year
Theft of my beloved red mountain bicycle, which supported and maintained my bottom, having travelled with me to four different countries over the last six years. Like its owner, the bicycle was of greater emotional than market value and no longer in particularly good condition.

Best Film of the year
El laberinto del Fauno
If you want to read why, click here!

Worst Film of the year
Snakes on the plane
“Do you want to come and watch Snakes on a plane?” someone asked.

To which I replied that one is sick and tired of watching snakes on planes; they’ve been serving what they call ‘food’ on every aircraft I’ve ever flown upon; skin wrinkly and crinkly from too many hours on a sun bed, hissing and spitting at passengers, their tails quivering with suppressed emotion and of course ready to strike at any minute. Honestly, why anyone felt impelled to make a thriller about trolley dollies is quite beyond me…

Of course I didn’t see the film, readers! I’m bored, but not that bored… I’d much rather be talking to you.

Best Book read during the year
Illywhacker by Peter Carey
Brilliant, brilliantly written and humorous… and he’s an Australian: who’d have thought!
Worst Book of the year
… no entries in this category, since one has enough sense to stop reading whenever any book no longer entertains.

Best Single of the year
I don’t feel like dancing by Scissor Sisters
Sadly, no other track on their last album is worth second listening…
Worst Single of the year
Sorry by Madonna
Said this, but it bears repeating: I’ve heard it all before, heard it all before, heard it all before…

Best Live Performer of the year
Sufjan Stevens at Le Bataclan, Paris (9th November)
Boy, did he deliver the goods: one listened to him share childhood adventures with a 'best friend' at summercamp, reading between the lines, not to mention tales of his mad grandmother, and by the end of the night, I was ready to line-up and buy his next single. Hell, I'm even considering conversion to his religion!

Worst Live Performer of the year
Ryan Adams at The Black Box, Galway, Ireland (24th October)
What do you mean, you didn’t notice there was an audience?
That’s no reason for failing to engage!

Best Live Show of the year

Rain by Cirque Eloize
Despite the negative
connotations of the title, this left me with a warm glow comparable only to… you know exactly what I mean.

Best Album of the year
Broken Social Scene by Broken Social Scene
Handjobs for the holidays
, anyone? Or would you prefer Finish your collapse and stay for breakfast? Delighted to find oneself in agreement with The Church of Me about this year’s best album release.

Most inconsiderate of the band to schedule their Paris gig on a weekend one was obliged to attend a society function in London.

We hate your hate, too…

Most Disappointing Album of the year
Sadly, as every year, there is a great deal of competition in this category; particular mention must go to The Great Escape by Ms G Stefani, nevertheless, this year’s winner is:
Reprieve by Ani DiFranco
One has no one to blame but oneself. After Evolve and Educated Guess, one ought to have paused at a Listening Post before skipping in the direction of the cutest sales assistant with my platinum card. Ms DiFranco, knowing you are capable of truly great things, we are willing to forgive… if you produce something more fulfilling than a healthy, happy infant next year.

Compliment of the year
Excessively handsome… excessively generous… excessively well-endowed… or, indeed, excessively anything!

Verb of the year
Examples of correct use:
He draped himself across the bed, waiting for his lover’s return.

At last, the excessively handsome man emerged from the shower, with a towel draped across his excessively large…

“Would you like cheese on that?” he asked.
“Yes, just a little Rocafort draped across it, thank you!”

“How was last night, J?”
“I was drrrraped.”
“You were what?
“Date-raped… and it was great.”

Best one night stand of the year
Frenchman (see my Christmas Quiz)

Worst one night stand of the year
Wash your mouth out, gentle reader! There is no such thing!
If you haven’t learned to derive some form of pleasure, even from those moments when it’s all going horribly wrong, I have a lot to teach you!

One anticipates that due to circumstances soon to be beyond anyone's control, any return of coherence to my humble bloguette will take a few days.

Please celebrate International Hangover Day without me, gentle reader

Happy Hogmany!

1 comment:

X said...

Feliz Ano Nuevo... hijo de puta!