Bad dancing

Some attributes and characteristics make one go quite weak at the knees, awakening desires that one struggles to control… integrity, for example. But when it comes to gay men, it is difficult to ascertain what lies below the surface. Often I have dragged a little booty back to my fabulous apartment and ripped off clothes, only to exclaim in startled astonishment at the sight of what had been kept hidden from view in a dimly-lit venue.

In short, it is quite impossible to know what one is getting before one has sampled the goods, therefore it is very important to learn how to judge by appearances: only superficial people do not. Forget all the nonsense you’ve heard advising against doing so. After all, beauty is only being skin deep; what do you want, a partner with an adorable pancreas?

Standing in a venue surrounded by available men who present an assortment of shapes and sizes to choose from, it can be hard to know where to direct attention. If one focuses long enough, it is usually (but not always) possible to find something attractive about anyone. Better to scan the crowd until your eyes are drawn to someone in particular, and the flashing lights on the dance floor incline you in that direction, perhaps to find… a bad dancer.

It is difficult not to see him, for an empty circle surrounds him as a rule, although occasionally he is accompanied by a fag-bangle or truly loyal friends who are visiting from somewhere else and therefore not embarrassed to be seen out in public with him. He is easily distinguishable because often wearing a fetching accessory, such as a pullover/jumper, and something frantic in his movement draws your attention, almost like a cry for help.

Hard stomping footwork and energetic use of elbows ensure that no one gets too near, although most of the gay league keep a disapproving distance simply because of his lack of rhythm. He seems to be dancing to the beat of the last song, or perhaps the next song, but certainly not what is spinning on the decks. He has not duly studied videos of preferred gay artistes in order to replicate all of the necessary moves to perfection; what's more, he appears wholly unconcerned by the fact that others are watching him, preferring to dance like there is no tomorrow for his own pleasure, without worrying about what people think. Unlike everyone else, he does not know all of the words, nor does he mouth those that he does know: there is no overtly-sexual self-touching, no Shakira-gyrating hips, none of what you have come to expect, in other words... he surprises you. Furthermore, it is not unknown for him to smile at those around or to laugh out loud… at himself, even.

Let me put it bluntly: such a man commands my attention, and to any lengths one will go for a simple introduction. For one will almost certainly find an individual who does not take his own image, or anyone else’s image, seriously; one inevitably finds that such a man has a self-depreciating sense of humour, and -last but not least- that he understands how to live happy in himself, embracing the moment and always ready to engage in new activities with endearingly clumsy enthusiasm.

Run to him, gentle reader! Leap at him! Woo him, compliment him on his fabulous moves, snatch and drag him from the ignominy of the dance floor, even if it means buying him a drink… get your filthy grabbing hands on him, before someone else manages to! For in this man, you are sure to find something to make your own little heart dance... and in this life, what else is worth dancing for?

(If you want to see the silly little man in the picture move, click on the title of this post)