08 December 2006

Sleepless nights - 2

As I remained unable to sleep, my thoughts turned to the rest of you, gentle readers.

After my last posting, I was not deluged with a barrage of quick-witted commentaries as anticipated, and it appears that one can draw two conclusions: either one has overestimated your number, or (my preferred option) one has underestimated your cunning.

In the past, I have been known to play such games myself, leaving gentlemen callers to guess whether or not I truly admired them… and so you prefer to leave me guessing, to retain an air of mystery, do you? Is that not your game? Very well, then. But remember, two can play.

Leaving you to play with yourself, I will continue to pursue anonymous attention in all its several forms… both real and imaginary. For is my bloguette not a mixture of ‘fact’ and ‘fiction’? In that case, why bother with an unappreciative factual audience when I might have a fabulous and appreciative fictional one?

So I have a plan of action, for let me assure you that I intend to approach this bloguette as I approach intercourse with gentlemen callers- with gritted determination. Should all of this prove to be no more memorable than a quick fumble in the dark, it will not be for my lack of enthusiasm or endeavour.

We are approaching Christmas, that season of goodwill to all men (although I have never understood why it is necessary to have a season, since I offer my own goodwill to all men right throughout the year) It is a time of year for decadent displays and consumer consumption, and it seems appropriate to approach my bloguette with this in mind. In other words, a little self-promotion is called for.

At first, I considered approaching others who blogue, for there are those among us who I revere, and ask for a little celebrity endorsement. But I have never been one to humble myself before others, therefore I cannot. No, I have my pride… and my prejudices. I appreciate they prefer to clutch their readers jealously to their own chests, fearing that anyone who stumbled upon my little bloguette upon their glowing recommendation might never return to their own offerings… for whatever reason… and who can blame them.

Besides, two particular bloggeurs have illustrious award ceremonies to attend in the near future (I had not expected to receive nominations myself, gentle reader… of course not!) and more important things on their mind right now (how revealing their acceptance-speech outfits should be) They may not share my view that there’s one thing better than winning, it’s helping out a loser.

While on the subject of awards, am I the only one who considers the American practice of giving international awards dubious? When it comes to the Oscars, most of the world's cinema is grouped into a single category, ‘Best Foreign Film’? A little... biased, don't you think? Then you have that great sporting event which brings nations together once ever year... the World Series. Can anyone remember the last time a team from outside the United States participated? For whenever I hear this tournament mentioned, I make a point of enquiring how Ireland performed, but no one ever seems to know.

But I digress. Back to my bloguette, for I have decided on a manifold approach to resolve my dilemma.

First, I have resolved to open a little chink in my own armour, linking and thereby exposing myself to a person who actually knows me.

Secondly, I consider sharing my bloguette efforts with two acquaintances, F and M… watch this space!

Thirdly, in what some might consider a drastic measure, I resolve to post a photograph. One imagines this announcement will produce a flurry of excitement in certain parts of the world. However I advise you all that it is only a photograph showing a little pink something, a tad wrinkled and in the process of being wiped clean after a rather messy… perhaps it’s better to say no more.

It will await you tomorrow, for that is when C’s Christmas Countdown begins! For in light of my recent good spirits- unusual at this time of year- I propose a posting every single day between now and 25th December, in the hope that my words will bring a little laughter across the world in these dark miserable times… boosting my own visitor ratings, and perhaps ridding the world of a little seasonal goodwill to those who plunder Ms J Austen, not to mention gay men.

Farewell until then!

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