16 February 2007

Christian Hatred 9

A Calling Card from a Christian, gentle reader!

What? You expected one to reject publication of a perfectly good Calling Card? Good heavens, no! It is a form of attention, after all… what one craves most. And as I keep repeating, there is nothing quite so satisfying as a love/hate relationship with one’s audience.

It has come from someone who is 100% Catholic, apparently. How intriguing! One wonders if one starts life as a 0% Catholic baby, leaping to a full 100% upon baptism and later losing percentage points along the way, although of course your score can be topped up with a visit to confessional. Or perhaps a child only achieves 100% after several years of indoctrination, when hormones finally kick in and (s)he is capable of actually appreciating what it’s all about? Or then again, maybe you have to sin and repent in order to achieve a full score?

One ought to ‘respect all religions’, apparently. Well, one certainly hopes my 100% Catholic reader does not respect all religions! If so, (s)he hasn’t been paying attention to the literal interpretation of the second commandment: since those who make a free choice to worship other Gods are sinning, surely it follows that it is wrong to respect their decision?

More importantly, this Calling Card implies that someone has not been paying careful attention to ALL of the postings upon my bloguette… no, one most certainly does not respect all religions; in fact, one does not respect any religions; as even an undiscerning reader ought to have noticed, none of the religions respect gay gentlemen; and even if they did, one would continue to pour scorn, for reasons to do with the misogynistic creed of such religions, their lack of reason, and their inherent philosophical weakness.

And yes, for the record, one does have a tendancy to overreact to an innocent comment from a Catholic: one does have a large chip upon one’s shoulder… how very observant of you and how incredibly kind of you to enquire if you might assist with its removal! However, one is perfectly used to the weight and quite comfortable carrying that large chip around, thank you very much; therefore, gentle readers, be advised to resign yourselves to a particular disrespect of all things Catholic: forgive me if you can, but one is always agitated and outraged to recall how the Catholic Church was complicit to the Nazis in order to remain active in Germany, turning a blind eye to the six million people sent to concentration camps in the Second World War- mostly Jews, but including other vulnerable minority groups, such as those who were disabled, those of a different ethnic background, and gay gentlemen and lesbian ladies – not to mention how the Catholic Church continues to advocate a policy on condom use that contributes to the spread of a preventable epidemic in Africa, another holocaust that no one seems to care about.

But, of course, none of that will make any difference to a 100% believer: there is no reasoning with a religious individual, for they have faith, which by definition is to believe without reason. Perhaps that’s the most annoying thing about those who are so blessed, their ability to believe what is unbelievable; in the absence of good grounds for belief, any old grounds at all will do.

Which must explain why they persist in ignorant refusal to do a teeny little bit of research on their own religion… even when relevant information appears on an offending bloguette. For who needs to understand facts about religion to believe?

Nevertheless (sigh) one does suggest that anyone aspiring to be a 100% practitioner of any religion looks at the history of all religious texts relied upon to justify particular beliefs- they are so often misquoted- before looking at the history of the religious institutions themselves… just to ensure that one’s high percentage score can never be disputed. And if research should reveal that your own religion’s beliefs and practices have changed over history at the convenience of those with power, or that those who preach often do not practice, do not feel unduly concerned: this useful exercise serves to demonstrate a hypocrisy inherent in all religious institutions, and practitioners who associate with them, something of which a well-informed 100% practitioner must already be aware.

One confesses that it thrills and delights me to think that in the ever-expanding internet, almost a microcosm of the universe itself, the existence of my own little bloguette- barely a speck of existence- is an upset to Christians who already have so many little specks of their own. Indeed, one never ceases to be amazed at how faith drives them on in the hope of obliterating all dissenting specks, in the misguided belief that one day, everyone in the universe will come to look at things their way.

If you’re still out there, gentle 100% Catholic reader, please feel tempted to retort with a na├»ve statement such as ‘but you’re focusing upon all of the negative aspects of religion, when there are so many positive aspects that makes the whole world a better place’

Bearing in mind, as far as you are concerned, we are discussing a religion based upon the notion of a benevolent God who creates mankind with an inherent design flaw, so that mankind must feel guilty and suffer for enjoying all of the beautiful things created; a religion that offers limited roles to half of the world’s population- on a pedestal as a virgin, or down in the gutter as a temptress/whore; a religion that throughout history, incites such fervour in practitioners that it is responsible for- and continues to justify- social repression, censorship, colonisation, torturous inquisition and war.

Having gotten that off my chest, one does hope my Christian readership is not dissuaded, for one does so enjoy receipt of their Calling Cards…

Although one must add it’s much more diverting when the Jehovah Witnesses call to the penthouse: turning down the lights and throwing on a dark satin cloak, one fetches a sharp kitchen implement and slips on a recording of a goat bleating in anxiety before tiptoeing to the front door.

“Excuse me, can we interest you in a copy of The Watchtower?”

“No,” one cackles. “Satan is my master!”

Why, it makes their little eyes pop out every time… bless!

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