Worst Sexual Experience 3 - The bigger, the better

You ain't a baby no more, baby
You aint no bigger than before
I'll rub that cheap gack off your lips, baby; take a swallow, as I spit

My skin tonight is a blazing, baby
But I don't think you're my type
What I need tonight's the real thing; I need the real thing tonight

The bigger, the better?

Bang, bang, bang -the bigger, the better
Yeah yeah yeah

Oh, come on

As a fuck... son, you sucked

Bang, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, 2001

No longer innocent, but still somewhat naïve, one also recalls a sexual encounter from 1998, pissed as a newt in a gay venue called ‘Midnight Shift’ on Oxford Street, Sydney, Australia.

A gay gentleman spent a long time with his hand inside my trousers before we went back to my place for an intimate exchange: one hasn’t realised quite why this man was so interested in the contents of my trousers (well, one expected a certain degree of interest, but really with so much more on offer, such obsessive behaviour seemed inappropriate)

Suffice to say, and it would have been obvious to anyone with experience who was not inebriated, this gentleman was a size queen- not something one approves, not something one finds repugnant... except when a gay gentleman allows this single physical attribute to exclude of all other considerations, which is quite puerile.

It has to be said that his own appendage was distressingly oversized. But bigger is not necessarily better, gentle reader: whale sharks do not impress me any more than the goby Trimmatom nanus. Somewhat old-fashioned in one’s ideas about what is attractive in other gay gentleman, one has never been impressed - or put off- by size or girth alone.

Granted, one had invited the gay gentleman back to my place for the most superficial of reasons, but one had certainly not invited him back to do nothing more than wonder over the size of my cock and wonder over the size of his. One expected something more... so did he, but we were not expecting the same things. He wanted to re-enact porn; and that was all very well and good, but one expected to be treated like a human being, with a little respect, preferably with a social interaction before, during and after.

When this gay gentleman discovered that on a first night, one had no intention of letting anything that didn’t fit comfortably inside one’s mouth anywhere else, he became rather impolite… rude… aggressive, even.

Before one had a chance to tell him to leave, he left.