16 February 2007

Worst sexual experience 4 - Last but not least!

After a period of self-enforced abstinence (a two year relationship, a one year hiatus while backpacking in Asia) one returned to Europe and started to make up for lost time, while residing in London.

Attending a gay venue for Popstarz (the last night of before it moved to La Scala) one found oneself dancing in close proximity to a couple of attractive gay gentlemen, who at first appeared to be a couple, but then appeared not to be a couple, who also appeared to be flirting with me.

Confused, one waited until approached at the bar, by the shorter of the two gentlemen (who happened to be, in my humble opinion, the more desirable of the two)

It transpired G & M had been a couple, and while no longer together, occasionally they invited people to join them for a threesome.

One had partaken of such arrangements in the past, but one expressed a genuine disinterest in a threesome, while admitting that one found both of the individuals concerned attractive, G in particular.

G seemed pleased at this news, and in due course we departed for a night of violent lovemaking at his fabulous apartment. Suffice to say, we were both so inebriated that upon arrival (it was almost dawn) we both amused ourselves by kissing and touching, with no significant bodily fluids exchanged. We made up for that early the following afternoon, with jets of steam rising from underneath the navy-coloured sheets (a significant detail, gentle reader; unlike that detail about the threesome, which although perfectly true is quite insignificant, undoubtedly included because of my own insecurities about remaining single) and after a long, vigorous and pleasurable session of mutual masturbation, we came simultaneously in a darkened room, with most of our respective bodies hidden.

Upon rising to refresh oneself, one discovered… to my great consternation, a bloodbath. Further investigation revealed that my hand, my torso, my sexual organ, G, the sheets, the mattress… everything was covered in fresh blood. For a brief moment, it seemed one or both of us had been ejaculating the substance.

But then, to my great distress, one discovered that in the course of vigorous masturbation, a tear had appeared where my foreskin was attached to the head of my exquisitely formed sexual organ (while strangely sensitive, it did not hurt) and although at first it seemed inconceivable that such a tiny cut was capable of producing so much blood, so it was.

Apologising profusely, one rushed to the bathroom… incapable of coherent speech.

Imagining the cleanup operation taking place in the next room, one felt mortified and distressed, and not only that; in the circumstances, one imagined that G would be –understandably- quite traumatised by the whole affair, and find it difficult to imagine a renewal of sexual activity with oneself in the future.

But in fact, G handled the situation with aplomb (a credit to upbringing, if you ask me)

When one emerged from the bathroom one found he had made me a nice cup of tea (with sugar, quite necessary after such a great blood loss, he assured me) and we had a very late breakfast together, laughing about the whole experience.

One duly invited him to dinner, by way of an apology… and so it was that we dated for two months, until the affair reached a pleasant and natural end.

So you see, gentle readers, one can find something of beauty, and not just a story, even in the worst of one’s sexual experience! Never let it be said that one considers a half-full glass to be half-empty... while waiting for it to be topped up.

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